JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
