she was so not down for the gang bang
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
