I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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