I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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