I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
