my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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