I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
