fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When are your genitals available?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
