shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
