So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
