Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
