i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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