Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
this is an emotional support booty call
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
