it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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