you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
