Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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