I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Randomize
