I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
