I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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