Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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