YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
