how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
