I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
