textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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