I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
