So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
