Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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