Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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