I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
