what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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