have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
