i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
