I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
