arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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