just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
