Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i wish my penis had a tongue
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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