come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
