Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
