It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
