I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
