i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Watching her eat just hurts me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
