what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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