woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
honey bunches of taint.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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