I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
