life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
