kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
