Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I could fuck to npr.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
