It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she peed on how many people?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
