remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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