she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
