who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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