There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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